Navigating Depression: My Struggles with Bipolar II and Finding My Way Back

It’s taken me a while to find the words for this, and even now, I’m not sure I have the perfect ones. But I’m going to try.

For over a month, I’ve been navigating through the heavy fog of depression, part of my ongoing battle with bipolar type 2 disorder. If you’ve ever experienced this type of depression, you know that it’s not just about feeling sad—it’s about feeling completely drained, detached, and, at times, defeated.

I’ve felt alone, like I was in a room with no doors or windows, cut off from everything and everyone. It’s hard to describe how deep the isolation feels when depression takes over. People can surround you and still feel entirely alone.

For most of September, I isolated myself, withdrawing from work, friends, and even my passion project, PR & Lattes. It became hard to function, get out of bed, and put on the “I’m OK” mask that I’ve gotten so used to wearing.

I wish I could say I’m great at asking for help when things get tough. But the truth is, when depression sinks in, it’s like my brain tells me I need to handle it alone. That everyone has their own battles, and the last thing anyone needs is me adding my weight to their lives. So, instead of reaching out, I withdrew. It’s a habit, one that I’m working on breaking, but when the darkness feels so all-consuming, it’s hard to know how to take the first step back into the light.

Feeling like I failed

I want to apologize for being MIA for most of September, especially to the PR & Lattes community. I know I’ve been silent, and I hate that I let that happen. It’s not for a lack of caring—I care deeply about this space we’ve built, and I didn’t want to disappear. But, when the depression hit, it was like my brain and body hit “pause” without my permission.

To be honest, for much of September, even the thought of turning on my computer or opening my inbox felt impossible. My energy was nonexistent, and my motivation was gone. There were days I couldn’t get out of bed, where just getting through the day felt like an impossible task. My to-do lists piled up, and the sense of failure grew with every unchecked box. It’s strange how depression twists things—how it makes you feel guilty for not functioning like you’re supposed to when, really, you’re just trying to survive.

The hardest part about this episode was the isolation. Depression often tells you that no one will understand, that no one really cares. And so, I listened to that voice. I pushed people away. I told myself it was easier to go through this alone. And maybe, on some level, I believed I was protecting those around me by not burdening them with my struggles. But in reality, all I was doing was digging myself deeper into isolation.

Learning to ask for help

I’m not saying I have it all figured out now or that I’ve magically pulled myself out of this dark period. But I’ve come to realize that I can’t do this alone. And honestly, I shouldn’t have to. There’s strength in vulnerability, in admitting when you’re not OK. I’ve learned that asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s a lifeline.

There were a few moments last month when I did manage to reach out, when I found the courage to tell someone, “I’m struggling. I’m not OK.” And in those moments, I realized just how much I had been missing out on by isolating myself. The truth is people care. Even when you feel like you’re a burden, some people genuinely want to help. They may not have all the answers, but sometimes, just knowing that someone is willing to sit with you in your pain makes all the difference.

I think the biggest lesson I’ve learned over the past month is that asking for help when you feel like you can is crucial. Even if you don’t know how to articulate what you need, just letting someone know you’re going through something can be the first step toward healing. It’s not easy—I know it’s not. But it’s necessary. Isolation feeds depression, and the more you isolate yourself, the harder it becomes to pull yourself out of that dark space.

What now?

So, here I am, trying to get back on track. It’s not a straight path, and I know there will still be hard days ahead, but I’m taking small steps. I’m slowly reconnecting with the world, with PR & Lattes, and with myself. I’m reminding myself that it’s OK not to be OK and that healing isn’t linear.

Thank you all for your patience and understanding. I’ve been quiet, but I’m working my way back.

Thank you to those of you who reached out and noticed my absence.

Your messages meant more than I can express. Even though I didn’t always have the energy to respond, knowing that people cared comforted me amid my isolation.

World Mental Health Day: Breaking the silence

Today is World Mental Health Day, a day to raise awareness and break the silence around mental health struggles. I couldn’t think of a better day to share this post. Mental health is something we all need to talk about more openly and normalize because the more we hide it, the more power it holds over us.

If there’s one thing I hope you take away from this post, it’s that you’re not alone. Whether you’re struggling with depression, anxiety, or any other mental health stuff, it’s OK to ask for help. It’s OK to let people in. We’re all human, and we all have our battles. There’s no shame in needing support.

For me, writing this post is a way of reclaiming my voice after feeling so lost. It’s a way of reminding myself—and maybe some of you—that it’s OK to talk about mental health, even when it feels uncomfortable or vulnerable.

I’m still in the process of healing, and I know it will take time. But I’m learning to be gentler with myself, to accept that I don’t have to be perfect or have everything together all the time. None of us do. Life is messy, and sometimes it gets dark, but we don’t have to go through it alone.

Thank you for being here, for reading this, and for being part of the PR & Lattes community.

I’m looking forward to reconnecting and getting back to the work I love. But for now, I’m just taking it one day at a time, and that’s OK.

To anyone out there struggling, know that you’re not alone. And on this World Mental Health Day, let’s remember to check in on ourselves and on each other. We’re stronger together, and it’s OK to ask for help when you need it.

Take care of yourselves.

— Matisse